18 Jan Home: cava-poached “amandes” clams

When a relationship ends, I am usually massively emotional, full of feelings of loss, and introspective about what went wrong. In my current situation, I am so shocked by the amount of lies and manipulation, that I have become eerily calm and empty. I have no sadness or regret, no hatred or anger. I like the other girl in the love-triangle, if you can call it that (you’ve got to give it to him, this guy has good taste), there was nothing I could have ever done to make the outcome different, and I am proud of myself for following my instincts and getting to the bottom of the world of lies he had created. I would make a great detective! I made the controversial decision to mention it on facebook not because I’m bitter, need sympathy or want to incite hatred, but because I want everyone I know to be warned. I am not going to feel ashamed and through my silence become part of the conspiracy. Yet I am tired and I need to emotionally recharge, come to terms with the fact that I fell in love with a figment of someone’s imagination. So I’ve come home. Eastbourne isn’t where I was born, or grew up, yet it is one of the places that I consider home now. I have grown to love the blustery South Downs that back onto our garden and the sea soothes me, even when it’s stormy and cold.

These are local “amandes” clams, which I bought from my favourite shop on the seafront. I took a knob of butter and fried some garlic in it, then dropped the pre-washed clams in and covered them three-quarters of the way with Cava. Add a sprinkle of sea salt, turn the heat up, cover and cook until the clams open up – about 3min. You treat these like mussels so make sure you disgard any that do not close when you are washing them. Tonight, it’s roast East Sussex pheasant.